What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 00:08
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why is Taylor Swift re-recording her albums?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
What does success really mean to you? Is it about happiness, money, or something else?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
What legal actions can be taken if a neighbor's unleashed dog causes harm or injury?
And i lived it daily.
I was scared of men, in general
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Sophia Bush Says She Endured “Every Kind of Abuse” on Show Due to Older Man - The Hollywood Reporter
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What was your most memorable experience catching a fraudulent car seller?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why did i forgive my father ?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Is it legal for an employer to ask why you are taking time off from work?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I have no regrets .
'Orthorexia' Is More And More Common. Here's What You Should Know About It. - HuffPost
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I write beautiful poetry .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
From 1 to 10, how dark is the Naruto fandom? Why?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Experts reveal that THIS diet can reduce heart disease risk - Times of India
But ive been too sick for many years..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
With 'I Love Lucy' and beyond, Desi Arnaz helped shaped TV as we know it - NPR
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But it wasn’t much.
Rare ‘Einstein zig-zag’ sheds light on universe’s hidden forces - The Brighter Side of News
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As a guy, how do you know you if you are considered attractive?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My family never makes their pension either.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I said to her
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I don,t even have a pension.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He knew the spot.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
It was going to be , some day.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I couldn’t, believe it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Who then, do I blame.?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Put me off passion for life!!
Would this be the day?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
When she asked me how she looked .
All the time i was locked up.
So whats the point in blame.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My life is so biszare .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im still living with it.
One cannot live in the past .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was seconnd youngest,
I will be 64.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was 9 years of age.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But, we were locked up after school.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
What did i know ?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
So, i spoilt her more .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Ive learnt so much.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I think the readers, may guess!
(And it was in our own minds.)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were not on the streets..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was very sick at this time too.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Comes on , in middle age.
She wouldn,t have been !
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I waited trembling.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She found it foreign!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
This is soul school!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She loved him until the end.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We all went to grammer schools
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She was in good health!
She married twice! .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?